Nearsighted

Farewell lahhh Myopia

2006-05-20T15:31:00.000+08:00

Okay saya dah pindah rumah. Check out me new address sini.

Bye bye.

I am a Libra

2006-05-18T11:09:00.000+08:00

I think I'm going to make some changes to the blog, the address even. I'm kinda bored with the current one. It's not anything major like opting for another bloghost (I admit, was tempted after browsing around). I'm sticking to blogspot no matter how dull the templates can be. It's still my bitch.

I'm gonna figure out how to move the archives and stuff (yes I am buta-blog) then i'll update my recent Jakarta-Bandung trip.

Tungguuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

Ode to Iranian Dates

2006-05-09T20:14:00.000+08:00

Bateel kurma.............. *said breathily/cue ocean waves in background*

I can't remember the exact species because I tried it three weeks ago but I'm going to retrace my steps and find out because FREAKIN' RM 10.90 per 100gms is FREAKIN' worth it.

Supple, as opposed to the wrinkly free bulan Ramadhan bundle ones. If it was a poultry dish,I'd call it sweet and sour chicken.

I'd crawl all the way to Bateel's BSC outlet if my car got robbed by armed men on camels and cabs or buses wouldn't take me there because I got stenched by humped animal spit.

All for kurma love.

This Could Be a Good Week

2006-05-08T17:55:00.000+08:00

Although I've never been lucky with major ribu ribu lemon contests I can say that I'm good at small ones. I've won a Monopoly set, a kitchen blender, minyak gamat and free movie passes at least. Not bad whattttt. A few days ago again I proved that I am Queen of Trivial Tokens when I rang up a Mother's Day Contest on radio. So parents, this year your forever cheapskate daughter shall bequeath you guys passes to the Mysteria Show (God knows what's that all about) at Genting with free dinner thrown in. Boleh laaaa spend some quality pensioners' time together-gether. By the way, I love Tim from Red 104.9 but he really sounds like an ahpek rumah tumpangan when he entertains callers for his show. Tsk. I can so imagine him in his headphones with a fan in his hand and wearing a pair of stripey blue drawstring pants.

Whatever it is, I'm ignoring my bad cough and this Berhenti Kerja Blues that are keeping me up all night because I'm on a roll.

I've just discovered I have a complimentary 3d 2n vacation to Perhentian Island I haven't claimed.

Finally got the few Ks of payment for a freelance job.

Was verbally offered a job.

Farouk Tyrese Englebert Cunningham's back from the laptop hospital. Just in time before the warranty ended. Boo hoo, you tech support suckas!

In two days I'm off to Jakarta. Can't wait for the culture shows. Can't imagine how spa TLC by the paddy fields followed by dinner at a Javanese art gallery facing the sunset in Bogor would be like.Then comes Bandung. They should change the name to Borong. Borong CD, Borong Seluar, Borong Handbags. I haven't shopped for clothes in a year.

This is gonna be good.

Aftermath

2006-05-05T20:50:00.000+08:00

Why is quitting a job's most irritating consequence is that it's like a bad breakup?

The whole office were discussing it today. Some colleagues even called me up to nag about responsibility and loyalty in case they could change my mind. Bad,bad move.

Some others discreetly revealed some ugly remarks The GM made about my resignation during a management meeting. They shared their sympathy.

I don't need the pity and reprimand!!

What the hell is all the fuss about?If the management were to complain about finding a replacement ASAP that would be totally unjustified. 10 new IT people will be joining the damned team. SO what's my loss compared to the new gain?

I have all the employee rights in the world to do what I did. What is wrong with that? Never heard of greener pastures?!

It's MY MESS, people SO FREAKIN' BACK OFF!

Sigh.

I'm glad tomorrow's going to be a much more beautiful and soothing chapter of my life.

SCREW WORK.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered

2006-05-04T15:20:00.000+08:00

I think The GM has a lot of earwax to deal with. Or Alzheimer's.

After a lengthy discussion about my decision to leave The Company, today I went again to The GM's office to tender my resignation.

He tore the envelope, read it, looked up at me and asked blankly, "What are you doing again?"

"Err...I'm with the Idon'tCare Project Knowledge Transfer Team?" Left eyebrow cocks up.

"What do you have to do there?"

" Programming." Doh. I wish I could arch my right brow. Has he not listened to any word I said on Tuesday??

"Programming??Who put you there?" He almost sounded as if he was outraged.

"Er...YOU?"

"Oh."

And to make me sound even more like an idiot who imagined our previous conversation he says, " You're young what. I'm sure you can catch up. Takkan la programming tak boleh buat."

Exasperated, my face turned red.

"Sir, do you know SQL?"
"No."
"Do you know Visual Basic?"
"No."
"Do you know how to navigate through Siebel to retrieve data and code them through the applications I've mentioned?"
"No."
"Neither do I. All I wanted was work I am fit and qualified for. That's all. And I never got it. If The Company doesn't want to give it to me, I'll look for it myself."

Silence. (Cue: Myopia walks out of room).

I have three months to find a new job.

(Muffled hurrah).

About Time

2006-05-02T17:19:00.000+08:00

Whenever I want do detach myself from something, I do it cold turkey-except for smoking, of course. I haven't found the urge to abandon them sticks just yet.

My will to quit this mofo of a job is stronger than ever.

I am prepared to face the consequences of leaving The Company.

Despite its rebranding of epic proportions recently, to me; the new logo's just enhances a symbol of empty promises.

From the day I came aboard the culture, the cronysm, the ill administration and management have been the same. Some colleagues I've discussed my intentions with pleaded me not to go and asked me to wait for something better to come along.

I have. And lost my patience in the process.

I've typed and printed my 3 months' notice. Will submit it tomorrow.

So long, suckas.

Crush

2006-04-27T10:34:00.000+08:00

Warning

The following paragraph contains more whinings about a flailing career that may cause irritation to the bowels and constant annoyance. Reader discretion advised.

I wake up late on purpose everyday that I've run out of excuses although tardiness is something I'm very much against. Sometimes I feel like tying a noose around my neck instead of The Company scarf before I go to work. Sometimes I wished that I'd catch malaria or break a bone from a sports injury (most unlikely) so that it would give me at least two weeks to stall before going back to the office gallows. Way back when I was fresh into the workforce I was pretty content and couldn't quite gauge the frustrations of family and friends more senior on their jobs about their accumulating misadventures. If work woes were investment unit trusts, they'd become local Richard Bransons by now. As I grow older (perhaps, wiser) I've slowly understood and started to feel exactly the same. It's like quicksand. The more you struggle, the more it sucks you in.

But what I (slightly) like about the job at the moment is that it's like sitting on a bench at the airport at the arrival terminal. It's true what I've heard from The Swimmer that working with IT consultants is a multi-million worldwide business. Every day The Company's IT consultant's foreign counterparts come in and out of the buildings with their suitcases and laptops.

The panorama of my office is a sporadic view of Chinese programmers. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that their origins range from the Philippines, Myanmar, Vietnam and of course, Thailand. A bit disappointed that my development team consisted of locals but once in a while the Siamese execs would let me in a word or two, like `thuat' in Thai, which means superfat.

Jeez. What a great way to break the ice.

Two girls that sit opposite my cubicle kind of triggered a gay me. They're both Chinese but imagine, one is with a pure Australian twang and the other speaks fluent Bahasa Indonesia.

Now that's HOT in my books.

Happy Birthday

2006-04-24T15:44:00.000+08:00

Joy to the world, today's The Boyfriend's 26th!

Stop furrowing your brows..

stop thinking about work

stop contemplating on all those choices

leave those worries behind

kick those heels together and ...

HAVE FUN!!

pbftttt!!!

*streamers* *confetti* *balloons* *fireworks*

Nanti kita pergi makan nasi goreng ketam ter-best in the world at Pusat Bandar Puchong okay?

A belated shout out to the rest of my April lovelies : The Diva, The Woman Pimp, The Loudspeaker, The In Denial Bunghole Lover, The One With The Powerful Arse and The Elder Sister.

MWAH!!

------

I can't believe I'm updating this dengan selambanya during a user confirmation session for everyone at this U-table to see. The mind just shut down after receiving news of The Company's amoeba bonus. My salary grade has been the same since I first joined. Re-evaluate la woi!

I seriously don't think I stank performance-wise throughout my attachment. Was even looking forward to the annual incentive to give me a morale boost and career drive but instead was punched in the face with a big boo-hoo (emo habis). Used to be ambitious, used to want to climb up the corporate ladder, used to want to become someone..but for WHAT now? In the beginning I took that in stride whatever's thrown my way but the more I involve myself the more I don't see the point why I should chain myself to a responsibility I was forced to take up but have no interest, competency, background or qualifications for.

The best part is, I will be stuck with this shitpile of a position forever after this project's complete roll-out. Hey. I should be running a boutique or selling popsicles in Perhentian or handling tour groups or something like those. Me and IT, we don't mesh well.

The country leading telco konon. SCREW YOU and your damned fixed lines.

They Weren't Kidding When They Said I Was Fleshy

2006-04-20T15:18:00.000+08:00

Two weeks ago I shed 4 kilos in 7 days by consuming fruits in the form of shakes,salads, yogurt, juices and two litres of water everyday.

You see, The Woman Pimp and I came up with the theory and practice of eating something different every week of the month by slowly going through through the food pyramid. First week of fruits to flush out toxins, then adding some greens on the second week, white meat on the third, carbs and wholemeal bread during the last in order to not deprive ourselves. Meaning to say that we eat like other people only breaking it down into four stages. When a new month comes along, the cycle starts again.

To our dismay, the indicator on our weighing scale stopped moving when we proceeded to the spinach and chicken phases.

A nutritionist paid a visit to one of my colleagues today, carrying a bunch of health products and some kind of hi-tech magnetic BMI measuring device. Curious, I let them demonstrate on me. And the results:

Metabolism - Normal
Bodyfat - 41% (AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!)
Water - 41% (below average)
Bone weight - 2.9 kilo (damn, now I can't say" I'm just big boned" anymore)

and..

apparently I have 11 kilos of rotten meat stuck in my vital organs. Gasp.

With that, the nutritionist's calculations further went on to conclude that:

My Body = 50 Year Old Woman's.

Yikes!!!

------

*strikes out meat week and brings forward fruit week on diet list*

*adds one lori buah for turbo flush *

Slamat Sore to All and to All a Slamat Sore

2006-04-12T12:42:00.000+08:00

Saturday's Pesta Malam Indonesia (despite the buruh kontrak black metal fashionistas cum t-shirt promoters terlepas from kandang RM50 fiasco and buat macam Republik sendiri on the Stadium Merdeka field) was a blast with a capital B. Note to self: next outdoor event buy expensive ponchos. The RM2.30 ones my posse got made plastik tapau merah look like polymer versions of Hercules. When Padi was rocking it out on stage, it poured so hard the Stadium became Aquaria and caused a one hour halt. The ensuing drizzle however didn't stop us from stomping ground or chomping on Mamak groundnuts while bobbing our heads when the messiahs resumed their positions with "Sobat" and scream material "Menanti Sebuah Jawaban".

Kasihan The Boyfriend and kasut baru cum advanced birthday present.

BEFORE

AFTER

New bands, old bands..they all 100% kicked ass. Photos didn't turn out well though. Sigh. And didn't bring along the DV cam. We were told that any video recording devices are prohibited tapi orang lain selamba je bawak. Mengapa?? Double sigh.

Waduh Fadly(Padi), lo bikin riot (literally caused one) dong!

Apparently Cokelat's vocalist (apebendatah nama) likes to shop at Ikea Ikano everytime she turun KL. Patut la lambat perform.

Didn't expect a 90 minute set Dewa 19 and friends though. Bonus!! That's what I like about Indonesian artistes. Every one of them can sing. Celebrities related, friends with or married to rock stars have a habit of tagging along a tour and popping mid-concert for a duet.

Stellar performance by Dewa 19. L-R : Ari Lasso (Dewa19 ex-vox and good buddy of band), Audi ( their sessionist's cousin), Maya (married to Ahmad Dhani, band leader) and Mulan (gossiped to be Dhani's second wife) and Once (current vox)

Rubber-knee songs such as " Mistikus Cinta", "Lagu Cinta", "Separuh Nafas", "Kangen" and the likes blared through the speakers. A bit miffed that Once didn't belt out his award-winning solo "Dealova" though.

Then again..

\m/\m/!!

Rating: 5/5.

-----------

The very next day, The Boyfriend and I went to Planet Hollywood's Dewa 19 showcase. The band put the term "lembab tahap dewa" to new heights. They were 45 minutes late and regardless of being reduced to KFC whip potato and acquiring bodily deodorants from other funky patrons I immensely enjoyed myself. I think 2 metres is the closest I've ever been to the real thing (kinda redeemed the disappointing hoax of a Dewa 19 meet-the-fans session at Alamanda last Thursday).

It was surreal. I (almost) broke down into tears. Pansy. My vote for best singing voice in the whole wide world for Once Elfonda Mekel still stands. Hearing him croon those beautiful love tunes like "Satu", "Kosong", and "Risalah Hati" live and up close makes my hair stand on end (still, no "Dealova").

Once more..

\m/ \m/ \m/ \m/!!

Rating: 10/5.

Dewa 19, I want to grow old with you.

Carrie

2006-04-07T20:59:00.000+08:00

Rage.

I was pulling at my hair and screaming like a cavewoman for a full 15 minutes in the car today. It would scare the beejezus out of some people I know should they get to witness such a spectacle. I think to them my behaviour is usually so calm it's predictable.

Like an animal, that psychotic reflex is something I churn when I am in pain and distress.

What triggered it this evening mostly came from scripting some foreign tech language (Difficulty-High) under pressure.

Damn you Actuate7!

Then there were news about the open-interview sessions held at HR. Of course I'm glad some buddies of mine that sent in their resumes for kicks were shortlisted. The new developments around the office were a little uplifting but still, the thought of my request for transfer rejected and the fact that The Company would rather pump in new blood than recruit the right people for the right job from within the company and leaving them to rot in no man's land (i.e. yours truly) dampened my spirits.

It worsened.

The PC at home screwed up again. It could be the fourth time it acted up in this first quarter alone. Caring for it gives me asthma but could never in my life toss it down some muddy river for its very sentimental values.

Came the straw that broke the camel's back.

I had to deposit some money to an agency that booked the hotel for the Jakarta trip. It said in the reservation form that the payment can be made via Maybank2u. Somehow my transaction failed again and again. When I called the customer hotline apparently Maybank2u does not allow individuals to transfer money to companies.

Kenapa tak cakap, setan punya Berjaya Vacation Club??

I was recommended to wire the cash through branch cash deposit machines instead. Fuming, I went to the nearest one in Bangsar Baru. In my frenzy to get some rojak buah for lunch in between answering phone calls, I grabbed the printed receipt and freakin' left my ATM card jutting out from it.

Realizing that mistake at 7 p.m.

April Is Happening

2006-04-04T17:50:00.000+08:00

So many birthdays. Things to do, people to see.

Last week I was instructed to move cube. Could it be that the Feng Shui magic is workin' it? Never mind the non-conducive working conditions and working sans storage space on a large slab of recycled wood. Newcomers to this wing would usually faint at the sight of this consultant-IT project refugee camp environment. But not me.

I've realized the change of air has given me plenty to do the moment I clock in (on the invisible punch card machine) to the wee hours of clocking out. After six months of goyang kaki, I am suddenly indispensable.

The surge is empowering. Beats McD's orgasmic hot from the fryer Spicy Chicken McDeluxe anytime.

About food and weight issues, The Woman Pimp and I devised our own nutrition plan after reviewing some unsightly photos of us pigging out at her niece's makan-makan. After 58 failed attempts towards lifelong health, we hope this one will work.

Especially for me, because these people are coming very soon.

Need the strength and stamina to move through the crowd, hustle for photos, scream, cheer, sing on the top of my lungs and cry the tears of joy.

I'M SO EXCITED I COULD PEE IN MY PANTS.

*crosses fingers for a possible reunion duet between Dewa19 & Ari Lasso*.

It's going to be beautiful. 11 days to go.

Some People Are Really Annoying II

2006-03-31T17:20:00.000+08:00

What do you do with someone you know who wants to share your limelight but doesn't seem to know what to do with it?

Confused? So am I.

Attention is something people compete and even die for. The funny thing is, The Sesame Street Oscar (TSSO) keeps appearing in our humble social circle to be seen but never heard unless if it were complaints about her flatulence or the big invisible rock cracking on her cranium.

She demands to be part of the action but when she is in it she carries the look and attitude of roadkill.

Partypooper.

One of her hobbies is calling every one of us to check/interrogate where we are/who we are with until we would get so irritated that we'd finally give in and invite her to come. After all that, she would have the nerve to play cool and say she's not interested or too busy to be with us.

Delusion is a clouded mirror.

This is not my lone observation. She would dress like us, talk like us and do the exact things we do in a twisted way. Most my buddies are worried for (but mostly are annoyed at) TSSO. What she does best is exaggerate and make up stories about any of us because she has none of her own to begin with. Allegations about myself and The Boyfriend were about very recently.

Doesn't she know with the big group that we have news can travel twice as fast?

Nak menipu pun tak skill. Apa daaaaa.

Some People Are Really Annoying

2006-03-29T10:48:00.000+08:00

Busy, busy, busy.

I like that word. To sum it up, it's been quite eventful lately. It's possible that my mindset's done a 360°.

Still, I am hoping that end of earning minimum wage for something I have no passion for won't be long from now.

I skimmed the papers yesterday and found some ads on high-income dream positions. I've discussed heavily about opportunities like those with my girl(and gay)friends before. One thing I regret being such a pig as a child until now is that I could never fulfill the lean, mean body criteria most topjobs in that category require. I always encourage pals that have the stuff to go tryout, but deep down I know I want to go too. But who am I kidding?

Checklist:

Height Pass (ngam ngam)
Smile 3D (it's like a monet - white from far, far from white)
Face Boleh la, must always shade the nose
Personality Tolerable
Vital Stats Bleurghhhhhhhhhhhhh

There's still hope. Effort is just a jog away.

Mind over matter.

( Gosh, how deluded can i get??!)

Talking about bodily issues and low self-image, I was sent to a 3-day course last week. No, it wasn't on slimming or seaweed wrap and things like that. It was for work. Urgh. My double urgh goes to attending it with another person from the office, my colleague The Hyena. Just the thought of her sends me fits. I guess the fat kid in me really despises the bulimic that she is. It's not much of envy, I think it's more of disgust. Knowing her these past few years, she is proud of her skin and bones and a millionaire boyfriend to prove it. Her behaviour sangatlah menjengkelkan bak kata Astro translators.

How would you react when someone who looks like this (tanned and auburn spa permed shoulder-length hair version)...

....says things like:

" Even though I have a boyfriend, I like keeping my options open. Though I only go for handsome and rich ones. Itu memang piawai aku dari dulu. Tak boleh kurang dari Beemer 5 series."

" Aku tak suka lelaki yang bergigi buruk."

" My skin is perfect!"

Barf. I think one of these days I should send her `millionaire' beau the gift of glasses with higher prescription.

When The Hyena is asked why she did not eat during the training by the other course participants, she would reply like a scorned banshee, " TAKNAK LAAA NANTI AKU GEMOK!!!!" and then sulk like a little child at one corner.

Yes. To the bewilderment of all of us there. WTF.

Then when everyone leaves the table (the guys especially) , she would grab everything on the buffet menu and hog down everything in about 5 minutes flat. After that she will rush to the toilet where the anticipated hurling will ensue.

Jeez. I may be fat but I am sure as hell glad I ain't crazy.

Back On Track

2006-03-20T12:38:00.000+08:00

It's been a whirlwind few weeks. Got back together with The Boyfriend. Sort of, since a 60-day trial thingamajig is going on. We're working out some issues in concern. So automatically our Indonesian vacation plans are sorted. I'm so excited for the May trip. I mean, we are excited for the May trip. It should be the turning point of our relationship.

And yes, forget what I said before about kicking back. Newfound freedom my stinking right foot.

Our travelling buddies The Goddess of Rock slash Ibu Susilawati Bambang Sojono and Bapak Gustowo Ali Rustam are counting down the days in high anticipation. "Susi" is a super-efficient planner. If I am anal when it comes to details, she is the complete Yellowpages. I wish I had a photo of the little booklet she made for our Jakarta-Bandung travel. It's so amazing I was this close to stealing and selling it off to a publisher.

Good job, crazy woman.

Igniting this fire is of course the recent movie Garasi. Plastic acting and useless plot aside - its cinematography of the beautiful Paris of Java and Old Batavia was superb. The music was even better. Protagonist Ayu Ratna surprisingly plays killer guitar and can sing makan budak songs too. Poor chick got kicked out from Akademi Fantasi Indonesia some years ago but I'm glad she was. Her talents don't deserve pop stardom because she's a rock legend in the making!

\m/ \m/.

Co-star Fedi Nuril (pic below) is also the brilliant musician/singer that she is. Slurps.

*****

By the way girls, I had a fantastic F1 weekend even though we didn't get to see a single race *blows kisses*.

Thanks.

My First and Last

2006-03-16T12:31:00.000+08:00

At a sort of tea-party last night with Thai food and the company of three beautiful ladies, I had a rather peculiar dish of stir-fried noodles with chicken fillet.

It tasted like armpits.

The colour of the gravy was really murky. I swear. It also had an odour of dried human sweat sans deodorant all crammed into an LRT caboose at rush hour. The aftertaste was oily and salty, and only God understood the wrath it caused my tummy early this morning.

It really, really tasted like armpits.

:((

Belilah Korean Cars Assembled in Malaysia

2006-03-15T10:27:00.000+08:00

My annoyance at the recent petrol hike and the fact that I bought a fuel-inefficient automatic transmission vehicle aside, The Blindbatmobile I own is hottttttttt.

Err.. The Blindbatmobile = Myopia/Rabun dekat/Buta/Blind as a bat + Batmobile?

Nevermind.

The one and only time I ever got in a road accident (miscellaneous parking tragedies and neighbourhood area scrapes jangan ceritalah) was in `99. It was 2 a.m, the night was pitchblack and I panicked that I got lost in ghetto Kepong. The family's old smooth-riding Ford car I shared with my sisters then was always nice to speed in too.

Fast forward seven years later: Ford car is gone, The Beat Up College 2nd Hand P.O.S is now my brother's and The Blindbatmobile's my new man. Experience has taught me to drive like my gramps now, if she ever had the opportunity to take up her license anyway. Which could best explain why I have doilies slash knitted seat covers with compliments from The Nice Ah Beng That Sold The Car To Me too.

*sheepish grin*

On my way to work this morning a kapcai in front of me started swaying to his left, right and left..undecided of where to go.

Aiyo. It's only 8 and the guy's mabok? I kept my distance.

After the few moments of fickledom he finally signaled right towards Terowong Diana Princess of Wales Uptown Damansara. %^%$#(($%^&*^!!^&^. Hmmpph. I picked up my pace and proceeded to go along the straight road as intended.

Suddenly the same bike swerved right back to the left lane in front of me. I hit my brakes.

BAMMMMMMM!!!

I managed to avoid him but he (that shall rot in hell soon) sped away. A Waja slammed into me from behind.

Argghhh.

It was a really loud crash. There goes my duit makan for the whole year to fix the mess up!! Double %^%$#(($%^&*^!!^&^. With a heavy sigh I stepped out to inspect the damage.

Laying my eyes on what could have been, my left eyebrow cocked.

There were only a few minor scratches on my baby that can be done away with some heavy polish. Other than that, it still looks spankin' new. The other guy who hit me though.....his Proton bumper fell off.

INOKOM Boleh!!

The Stranger

2006-03-14T16:01:00.000+08:00

The last time I wore my glasses I noticed when my elbows are on a table and I try to explain things to whoever I'm with, I tend to speak and look like Randy Jackson - active hand gestures to express self and all.

With tits and long hair.

I would even inject some yos and dawgs sometimes.

When you hang out with a bunch of off-duty flight attendants it makes you see yourself as a lot of things. I guess. Oh, the depression.

A lot of things things happened over the weekend. I hope all that hardwork, even for something so farfetched pays off. At least some measly feedback would do.

My chin's up.

New Day, New Sun, New Things

2006-03-10T09:26:00.000+08:00

One thing I love about studying communication is that obviously, one can relate it to his or her personal experience.

I am not a smart student so I memorize things at the last minute. The few theories I remember are Altman & Taylor's Social Penetration Theory (go Banos!!) that explains the development of a relationship from strangers to good friends to lovers and the other way round; Thibaut & Kelly's Social Exchange Theory that describes any relationship is sustainable if rewarding and discontinued if costly (as in stakes, not money). I could bore people to death talking about these subjects, but yeah, I am going and have gone through those respectively.

I am back to square one.

What lies ahead, I don't know. For now I am going to kick back and enjoy my newfound freedom.

Amazing Lace

2006-03-08T13:07:00.000+08:00

I learned from someone's blog yesterday that The Amazing Race will be taping its Asian Edition soon. I was totally pumped about it at first. Hell, I've been wanting to be on the show since it first aired on TV. To be in it is killing two birds with one stone- a chance at MYR 3.8 mil and a thrilling passport to everywhere...sweet!

Then the orgasmic idea kind of fizzled because my stamina is close to nada, the application is open to the entire Asian region narrowing the odds 0.00012 : 1 and the deadline's just next week. Bloody Singaporeans.

Yawn.

But,

should I have the balls to try out.....*dreamy mode on with harp playing in background*

I can only think of The Steward as my ideal partner. He is not related nor is he romantically linked to me and to top it off, he is totally gay out of his wits. That could save us some keruntuhan rumahtangga bickering. I find that a racing team would be more effective when it is unisex or an all-male ensemble. A man and woman combined will balance the yin and yang of one another while men when multiplied, are simpler, faster and always thinking on their feet. That could probably explain the pattern of male-female/male-male winners throughout the past eight seasons. An all-girl team (sorry my bitties, but it's true) would be a pain in the arse. Although I am a woman myself, having experienced journeys with a few cranky, obnoxious and whimpering females are in my playlist of worst nightmares. Some girls tend to get hormonal, wake up late, take so freakin' loonggg to get ready or make up their minds and expect other people to do things for them.

And... the...whinings...are....end...less..... .

Anyway, The Steward and I talked about doing something like this ages ago when we were both jobless, itching to see the world and full of shit. Most importantly, we want to be toiled around like rag dolls and do all the gayat stunts. I might not have his stealth or PR skills, but I may compliment him with my strategizing expertise slash anal warlord presence. Under pressure I make excellent decisions, take directions well and read maps like Lewis & Clark.I am also quite the observer, can organize money and important documents and drive a stick with my eyes closed. The Steward is assertive, bulldozes through everything and has picked up quite gedik persuasion and negotiation skills during his travels on the job.

We could name label our team `Swing Different Ways', and..

...*dreamy mode cut off by phone of colleague blaring with Siti Nurhaliza ringtone*

*&(&$%^$^%$^&^&*.

Dah la tu. Reality check,sambung kerja.

Anyway, to others who are interested..quick! Get your ass in that 3 minute audition VHS,DVD or VCD before 15 March and you might stand a chance to be in the ride of your lifetime.

In Case of Emergency The Exits Are Over Here

2006-03-06T16:13:00.000+08:00

I tried to skive off work today with an ultimately silly excuse via text message. Guilty conscience bites. I'm at my desk at the office now.

Sigh.

****

At lunch I refueled the car at a gas station nearby. While I was doing my thang; a gruff, middle-aged man that could pass for an adult walrus walked up to me. The following conversation ensued (translated from Bahasa and improvised in the most un-rempit manner possible):

" Not working today?" he asked.
" Yes I am. On the way." Me, bewildered.
" I thought they provide you shuttles?" Eh?
" No, I've been driving to work all these years."
" That's quite a distance. Hey, don't you remember me?"
" No."
" I'm Said, we talked on the flight."
" Huh? What flight??"
" KK-KL last week, I was in the front row don't you remember?"
" No, I don't even know you."
" You're that Air Asia stewardess, right?"

OH GAWD. Not again.

*****

It's kind of disturbing that I have been in the same situation three times before when I was MMU. Sometimes I think they're just pulling my leg but fascinating though, that doppelgangger stewardess in question does exist. A few friends working at KLIA have verified this, in fact she is a senior cabin crew who is still actively flying but is lithe enough to wear a size 6.

My usual reaction will always be, " Bukan, bukan. Abang gila ke ape? Saya gemok la!" Since when has Air Asia taken in obese flight attendants, really? Tarak baca punya orang.

Hantu?

2006-03-02T13:00:00.000+08:00

Re-locating to The Company's old facility from The Tower to accomodate our 100++ IT/Vendor team was a pain in the ass. It wasn't as modern as my previous 29th Floor Up In The Skies Environment and the task of moving the equipment and servers was like transporting blocks for the Pyramids in ancient Egypt. The creaky elevators, musty old stench and malfunctioning air-cond weren't conducive at all for any of us. There were occasional blackouts too, much to the frustration of the programmers.

Even so I had refused to believe the stories of The Office Makciks that the old building is haunted.

Until:

this morning I took the lift with Vendor Kuli A. We don't know each other that well but we exchanged smiles and some mindless chatter.

The doors opened. We stepped out and walked to our nearby desks together. He sat down while I placed my handbag in the drawers and hurried to the toilet for a tinkle.

On my way there, Vendor Kuli A burst out from the gents and brushed past me, walking briskly towards the fire exit.

*blinkblink*

*stares at the toilet signage*

*blinkblink*

I turned to look at my desk. Vendor Kuli A was still in front of his PC as I had left him, drumming his nails against the table while waiting for his machine to start up.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (bites nails).

Kena Tipu Lagi

2006-03-01T10:21:00.001+08:00

Again I have cut my off-blog time short. Cannot tahan la (sorry En. Supervisor) . Especially when I see tags like below. Although Ylanda didn't specify anyone in particular to do this, saje gatal nak buat.

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	High
Wrath:	Very High
Sloth:	High
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	Very High

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz .

Gluttony:High??! Oi, there was only one question on food!

Err.. Pride: Very High. Actually to think of it, I am quite the sore loser. I can so imagine myself whining like the crazy ho from Malaysian Idol who did that horrible rendition of Kelly Clarkson's `Miss Independent'...

...hah! Wrath: Very High. So it's true after all that I have anger management issues. I thought I was just in denial but I guess it's more severe than it looks. I suppose those who know me personally would find that hard to believe. I hardly ever project my emotions. It's difficult to tell whether I am annoyed or delighted, kan? Tension you all. Lain kali I notify.

Anyway, on with the remaining questions. ..

1. Greed : What Luxury item did you last buy?

I'm not even sure whether I've pampered myself enough these days. Maybe a pair of shiny 2-inch Snowfly slingbacks (with a rather sexy design pulak tu, rarity) I bought for 70% off from RM 400 in December. The left clasp broke after one month. Bagero.

2. Gluttony : What is your favorite food?

As my non-existent facial muscle contractions may suggest, I have no particular preference when it comes to gastronomic delights. Semua jalan. Pork chops (of course), durian and other dishes with pungent odour i.e keli masak rebung are definitely off the list.

3. Wrath : What makes you angry?

- A mime that mocks my every move
- Tardiness/apa sahaja jenis kelembapan tahap fungi
- Waking up late
- Shabby work of others that I'd have to edit or redo
- Irrelevant sex/fat jokes
- People hanging around my cube to kacau or watch me work

- Getting squashed by the elevator door although I frantically called out "wait!" or "hold the lift!" like an idiot

- Taken for granted
- Smart alecs who assume I have an IQ of 40
- Taking the blame for someone else's shitpile and looking stupid for it
- Being pressured into doing something I hate i.e. MLM, direct selling, Puteri Umno, etc.
- Being rushed for something not of my interest i.e. Colleague : "I nak you call boyfriend I, menyamar jadi secret admirer...hari ni jugak tau!

- Queue ku dipotong
- People who talk or answer the phone in the cinema
- People who lari from paying my freelance jobs

- Parasites that provide no effort to better themselves without depending on others

- Bosses who expect me to kiss their asses

- Friends who come to me at last resort when their boyfriends or other friends desert them

Oo-kay. I think I should stop right here before I start chewing on my mousepad.

4. Sloth : When are you at your laziest?

At home when my parents are outta town. I might not bathe for days.

5. Envy : What brings the green-eyed monster in you?

Friends who have travelled the world...and successful yuppies my age making five to six figure salaries.

6. Lust : What / who do you lust after?

A better job

7. Pride : What are you most proud of?

- Worked long and hard telemarketer macai hours in college to buy my first handphone
- Coordinated a halilintar DIY 14-day Eurotrip (Bratislava & Germany excluded) with friends.

- Of possessing almost manly navigational skills

- The ability to do the `plough' (still) notwithstanding this Michelin perut

Tagging:

1) A.Islington
2) Donut
3) The Goddess of Rock (if your office internet sudah ok la)
4) Tareh
5) Koala
6) Asian Prince Jajamithaba
7) Milleyez

Hibernasi

2006-02-24T11:23:00.000+08:00

Blog on temporary hiatus. Time to concentrate on work (for once).

Will update soon as I can.

There Are Cartoons For Grown-Ups

2006-02-21T12:57:00.000+08:00

Okay, okay. So I can't stay away from the keyboard too long.

Mondays are too blue to be spent anywhere but home. Yesterday after work I tried to tear myself away from the TV. At 9 pm I was still in front of it. Laughing. In my office attire.

Just to quickly share, I saw Dreamworks' Sinbad-The Legend of The Seven Seas for the first time last night. It was a very enjoyable movie voiced over by philanderer Brad Pitt and Catherine Zeta-Jones. I forgot how much I loved `animated films' from Disney/Dreamworks/Pixar etc - the 2D ones especially. I think I've watched Aladdin, The Lion King and Mulan about a zillion times when I younger. Nowadays the more recent productions from that genre like The Emperor's New Groove, Hercules and others have slowly but steadily grown up like kids of my generation. It's unfortunate for today's children because I doubt they can comprehend the surprisingly mature jokes. But for in denial adults like me, the stand up comedy-ish evolution is excellent .

For instance, see Sinbad's tough wingman on your left (I forgot his name, though). Throughout the reel he did not wear anything else but his Arabian pantaloons.

A scene from the movie was of the ship sailing on troubled, below zero a'la Antartica waters. Sinbad's crew started scrambling for warmth and fur clothes as the cruel weather came over them. Wingman however, remained steady and assumed his duties as if nothing happened. A freezing Sinbad stopped in his tracks, stared at Wingman's chest and said:

" Oh, for God's sakes put a shirt on! You're going to poke my eyes out."

King Nothing

2006-02-20T15:40:00.000+08:00

With all the bumming around at work I've been reduced to these last 2 months, unexpected turn of events have left me in partial shock.

Suddenly I don't even have time to think thus blogging should be the last thing on my list now.

*gasp*

Maybe there are opportunities for short rambles every now and then. No one actually tagged me, but I felt like squeezing this particular meme I saw on Tarehtaik before I get sucked into a point of no blog entry :

4 jobs i've had in my life

1. Shopgirl - a few times in fact, when I was broke and on one longgg study hiatus
2. Telemarketer - a bullet in the head actually sounds nicer than this position
3. Copywriter cum despatch cum kelindan lori
4. Training coordinatorZZzzzZZZzzzzzzzzzzzZZz..

4 movies i could watch over and over

1. Pulp Fiction
2. Anchorman
3. Oceans Twelve
4. Seniman Bujang Lapok - really, this cracks me up every time

4 tv shows i love to watch

1. America's Next Top Model - for some reasons I cannot fathom
2. Rocko's Modern Life
3. The O.C - this is new
4. Friends - somehow the jokes (or Ross & Rachel) never get old

4 places i've lived (in no particular order)

1. Damansara Utama
2. Damansara Jaya
3. Bukit Beruang - the only things that resembled bears were the giant cats
4. Cyberjaya where there are more cows than petrol stations

4 places i've been on vacation to

1. Beautiful Bali
2. Koh Phangan with the Enam Jahanams
3. Brisbane
4. Around Europa in 14 days with Las Putas

4 places i'd rather be in

1. Bora Bora, Tahiti
2. Cairo
3. Capetown
4. Paris

4 of my favorite food

1. The Mother's bamia daging = rendang + kari + kurmaesque taste
2. Mihun goreng putih lada
3. Chicken cordon blue
4. Tom yam campur Sri Thai, PJ- they don't even make stuff like this in Thailand

4 websites i visit daily

1. thesuperficial.com
2. popsugar.com
3. airasia.com
4. asiatravelmart.com

4 victims to do this tag

1. whoever's..
2. ....reading..
3. ..this..
4. ...and has a blog.

Exorcist

2006-02-15T17:21:00.000+08:00

It was drizzling outside and I was on the phone with The Next Top Model on our last minute revision plans for tonight's mid-term when the line got cut off.

Puzzled, I looked up from my cube. A deafening whir from a distance neared our half open windows. It sounded almost like a hurricane building up. The noise gradually became louder and louder until it started to sound like a wailing ambulance, encircling our building.

Funny. It had rained worst than this but never has the weather made such a peculiar, almost ghostly racket.

Everyone in the office stopped what they were doing altogether and stared at the darkness outside, trying to figure out what the wind was trying to tell us. The lightbulbs were flickering. No one dared to approach the the glass to find out what's going on.

Then, suddenly...

BAM!!!!!!

...came a loud thunderclap that shook us.

All of us ducked for cover.

*macam Hollywood movie pulak*.

Then the sky cleared.

What was that?

Model Citizen

2006-02-15T10:51:00.000+08:00

The Next Top Model had been raving about this SNL spoof all of last year but couldn't locate the video he had downloaded on his PC to satisfy my already heightened curiosity.

Thanks for the tip, though. Found it!

If you are obsessed about ANTM like us or have caught at least one of its episodes on TV, this would be a hoot for you.

Catch the ANTM Cycle 6 madness starting 8 March 2006 at a torrent downloader near you ;).

Republik Cinta

2006-02-14T12:11:00.000+08:00

I'm glad Dewa19 (formerly known as Dewa and before that Dewa19 *headache*) chose this time of the year to release their latest. The title of the album reeks matters of the heart and its beats are a beautiful, we're- not-worthy rojak of eighties music, influences of the Beatles, cabaret and even medditerranean rock.

I haven't been a fan for long, maybe since I first heard `Kirana' and `Takkan Ada Cinta Yang Lain' in the 90s when Ari Lasso was still vocalist. Thanks to The Boyfriend and some Baladewas that sparked the interest in me to study the sounds of this Indonesian band, I've learnt to love and appreciate `Once' Elfonda's voice- a force to be reckoned with.

Screw Ahmad Dhani zionist dictatorship accusations. When music is concerned Dewa19 is probably equivalent to Malaysia's Search in greatness; maybe beyond.

I can't wait for their Kuala Lumpur April 15 concert at Stadium Merdeka.

I can't wait for the Malaysian release of this album this Thursday, either. So whether or not you are celebrating Valentine's, have these Once-Dewa affiliations with you today and feel loved.

This one, especially; even if it is not in the album (an independent track from September 2005 `Dealova' film)- is not for the faint hearted.

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These

2006-02-13T21:11:00.000+08:00

The Next Top Model and I each have the attention span of a poodle. In serious efforts to concentrate on our study groups or discussions we would somehow always wind up bitching about class assignments with our groupmates or at some point get diverted to the nearest shopping complex.

In one of those cases we decided to get a facial at Banos' favourite spa at Lanai Putrajaya. Unfortunately the place was booked up for the whole day so we wound up just hanging out with the proprietors of the place, a nok couple - Carson and Kyan (bukan nama sebenar) who were really nice and friendly. Their beauty centre is doing really well and is probably the only one within a one mile radius of Precinct 10, whatmore with posh location that's a definite Mak Datin hangout.

Asking them the secret of their success, Carson and Kyan were pleased to share their experiences. They were both in advertising previously; a graphic designer and copywriter respectively. With much exposure of photoshoots for their accounts, they were both fascinated by the power of grooming hence quit their jobs and trained to become freelance make-up of famous local stars for quite sometime. They both gradually moved into the more profitable business of beauty salons and haven't looked back since.

They believe in doing what they do, and doing what they love.

Now that's something The Next Top Model and I were excited and amazed to hear. Their frustrations and backgrounds were so similar to ours. The Next Top Model's passion really is in make-up and does it as a side income to compensate his shitty designer job. As for me my zero-talent copywriting days are numbered and now I am stuck drafting technical reports from some programme I can hardly understand.

Would we have the balls to leave our comfort zones to do something like what Carson and Kyan? Sell something; a product, a service, anything that would put our creativities to good use and live up to our Media Innovation major?

Could we drop everything and live totally out of this world ideas like starting a beach resort, gathering the courage to become glamourous tv presenters, signing up for the first Malaysian astronaut program (by which one of our former pothead classmates is one of the 8 finalists already), establishing a travel agency, open up an extreme sports park?

Mind over matter.

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates

2006-02-12T20:34:00.000+08:00

An old school friend met with an accident last Friday afternoon. Theory is that she was on her way to teach an English class in Klang when a lorry overtook and hit her car on the driver's side, squashing the door right into the gearshift. She suffered serious head injuries and fractured most her right ribs.

Oh.My.God.

I didn't really know how to react when I found out. I wasn't particularly close to her but she was the girl at school who was outspoken, pleasant and well-liked by everyone. We rarely talked and four years ago was the last I saw of her. Nevertheless, I was shocked and mostly, sad to know of what happened.

As estranged as we were I was more surprised that I fought to hold back tears in my eyes when I saw her frail and delicate frame on the hospital bed. I heard that a person in coma can well hear you if you talk to them that helps maintain their brain activities. I couldn't bring myself to do that as emotions were violently washing over and I didn't know why. I was speechless.

Her once vivacious and colourful persona seemed to have faded.

She is so young, so promising. Yet now her future is uncertain, a reminder on The Hand Of Fate for the rest of us.

I'm glad the news spread quickly. The throng of visitors she had was endless. Moral support and care from friends and loved ones are definitely what she would need for her long winding road towards recovery. I'm sure I would want the same if I was in her shoes.

May God speed.

A Rainy Morning

2006-02-10T11:57:00.000+08:00

My condolences goes out to my colleague and blogger Kaezrin whose mother has passed yesterday evening. Al-Fatihah.

Keeping The Faith

2006-02-09T12:42:00.000+08:00

This would be weird to write, amidst ridiculous entries on nothings: especially the last one.

Maybe it is not my place to say this, but I feel that The Danish Charicatures Issue could have been reacted to more delicately.

Free press comes with the responsibility of being thoughtful about others. By all means any disrespect of Muslim sensibilities; especially about the credibility our Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) should ultimately be condemned.

Islam after all advocates and carries the meaning `peace'. Just like other religions, response to such bold insults require heavy discussion and depths of sensitive thought. A boycott of Danish products would be reasonable but with the unnecessary violence around the world incited by our fellow Muslim brothers and sisters, it's almost too easy to live up to a `terrorist' reputation.

Snap out of it. Use brains, not brawn.

Dear John

2006-02-06T08:48:00.000+08:00

More on lavatories. What is wrong with me?

Because of my temperamental colon I am somewhat wary about hygenic conditions and conveniences of public restrooms when away from home. Free-entry toilets invite the worst kind. I would hate to pay MYR 0.20 for a tour of human faecaes in dollops and mutilated sanitary pads lying on the floor. I have always wondered why some people would stand on toilet seats that leave disgusting shoe prints and how the hell they manage to acrobat so. I find a bidet with water pressure that works to only 5° upwards an insult to my intelligence, especially if the toilet bowl is the squatting type.

My Perfect Dump On a Day Out would encapsulate all of the following:

1. No charge upon entrance
2. Dry, clean floor and walls
3. High cubicles
4. A functioning automatic wall air freshener, smelling of ylang ylang
5. A pleasant attendant/janitor who is always willing to replenish low supplies e.g. T.P., soap etc.
6. Superb air ventilation
7. 50-hole sprinkler
8. Bidets that go 45°
9. Automatic pipes/ hand dryer
10. A dresser/make-up area

Speaking as someone who has probably visited at least 50% of Kuala Lumpur's privvy population, I am grim to conclude that only a few public crappers have made the grade in my books.

Best Public Restrooms in a Shopping Mall

One Utama (Old Wing and New Wing), All Jusco outlets

It's amazing that some of the restrooms have everything on My Perfect Dump On a Day Out List.

Best Public Restrooms in a Petrol Station

Caltex, Bandar Utama

My latest discovery. I'm not so sure if all Caltex stations have taken the initiative to revamp their restrooms to outdo their competitor's pledge of `Tandas Kami Sentiasa Bersih' . The moment I stepped into Bandar Utama's newly renamed `Caltex Rest & Relax Room', I immediately saw the difference in look and feel. The simple interior was funkified with opaque shower glass doors and up-to-date design. What petrol stations always lack of are made up for with more than enough T.P. and soap. In the background music plays softly with tunes ranging from Radio Era to Buble (!).

Best 2-in-1 Public Restrooms

Cyberview Lodge, Cyberjaya Street Mall, Cyberjaya Bus Station

Superquiet. I doubt people even know the restrooms exist, whatmore notice that most are also equipped with shower stalls. What the hell for, God knows; but for sure those are the oases MMU kids (including ex-students like myself) head to for quick baths and other necessities when hostels suffer water shortage.

Best Public Restrooms in a Hotel

Le Meridien-Hilton Sentral

Never before has bowel movement felt like a spa experience. One would almost feel guilty to ease themselves in fear of destroying the unique Bali-esque orchidwickermarblearomatherapybeautysauna ambience .

Cleanest Public Restrooms in Selangor & Wilayah Persekutuan/Putrajaya

KLIA

There's two at every corner of the airport - all of them spacious and rarely occupied. There's space enough to bring your luggage with you into the stalls if you are paranoid of muggers. You can eat, sleep, change, roll around in your knickers for all you care because all KLIA toilets posess zero bacteria activity. Seat cleaner tissues are provided if you suspect any form of malicious ick from the last patron.

Cleanest Public Restroom in an Office Building

Menara T*, Pantai Bharu

Very similar to KLIA's restroom concept. Can I say the thing I like most about my job is the fact that the office ladies' are so sparkling clean I spend my afternoon naps in them?

But I Don't Even Drink Coffee..

2006-01-30T12:58:00.000+08:00

As much as I hate to admit it, Starbucks is godsend.

Stuck in KL with a superlong ChineseNewYearAwalMuharramFederalTerritoryTen-DayHoliday on my hands, I want to count my blessings that I will be able to finish some schoolwork sipping Green Tea Frappucino with the company of soothing lounge music and accompanied by my trustee notebook, Farouk Tyrese Engelbert Cunningham.

I tried writing the gazillions of due reports at home but temptations of The OC reruns on TV was too great. Then during my round-the-cash-deposit-machines at Uptown I saw a miracle unfold. The usually-jampacked nearby Starbucks was empty.

Booyah to high speed Internet and being the only patron!

I guess that's the next best thing to a beach getaway.

Patriotism 101

2006-01-27T10:49:00.000+08:00

A Bata outlet in Prague, the republic of Czech -photo courtesy of Cik Koala

Tell me, am I the only numbnut who didn't know that Bata was never a local brand?

It took a 1500-word assignment and some gouging of eyeballs skimming through ancient books on NEP before I discovered a speech by Sonja Ingrid Bata, the Director of Bata Ltd who prided the fact that her family business is indeed Czech.

I heart all Bata shoes I've had because they've outlasted my Mammoth Size 9 Eco-Challenge Enduring Feet compared to the La Primaveras, Hush Puppies or Vinccis in my collection (and believe me, the number of my casualties could make up a graveyard). I'm only disappointed that all this while I've always thought the name belonged to either :

a Mohamad Ali Bata or,

a Wong Bata or,

a Batamurugan a/l Arokiasamy.

All those years getting yelled at on Sundays for not washing or kapur-ing the staple school shoes of the country, the canvas Bata that are also our national pride ....

To je ale otrava!

The Urge to Burn Down a Post Office

2006-01-26T14:35:00.000+08:00

If being attacked in the ladies' wasn't a good start to The Lunar Year of The Dog, I wonder what is.

Luck for The Monkey is running out fast.

I hurried down to Bangsar near the office during lunch hour to mail some letters and withdraw a small amount of cash from my ASB.

The clerk who attended to me did his usual chop-chops. He froze when he had a look at my IC.

Staring at it for quite a few minutes he looked back at me and asked, "When did you take this picture?"

"When I was younger."
"I could tell from your photo how looooong ago that must be."

He then guffawed. LOUDLY.

Smells Like Teen Spirit

2006-01-25T17:13:00.000+08:00

I reflect upon what I've achieved and design the framework of my future undertakings when I get the chance to release and unwind.

That's why I value my bathroom time.

Some people don't understand why I spend centuries in the loo. I catch up on my reading, de-stress with Java Pinball and reply my text messages on my phone; including those to either one of you folks. With the whirlwind of activities going on nowadays, I can only find my alone moments when I'm in a 6x4' or the on my favourite aquamarine Armitage Shanks at home.

This morning my usual toilet `break' at the office was interrupted when someone knocked persistently on the stall I was in.

I swear something's going to come off at the rate it was going.

I opened the door to find one of the foreign consultants from my floor waiting with a nasty scowl on her face. Grinning sheepishly, I got out and looked around.

What the-? There were 5 other empty cubicles.

Maybe she preferred this one and I was hogging it (or so I thought).

She rudely brushed past me and muttered something under her breath that I couldn't understand. With the cubicle door open, she started fanning around with her handbag. Then she took out a bottle of perfume and started spraying.

And just like that, she left.

I felt like digging a hole and burying myself in it.

Technologic

2006-01-24T10:41:00.000+08:00

I'm such a dud. The Columnist pointed out yesterday that if even logging on to YM with proxies is a drag then doing Meebo could be an alternative.

And....voila! I'm now setting my keyboard ablaze with open chat windows, the ultimate mode of inter-MMU communication that I had left behind. After school ended three years back, YM and I grew apart. Some of my previous jobs didn't even allow internet connections (gila apa?) and my two workstations here at The Company weren't so relay chat friendly either.

Although through Meebo, YM's capabilities of audio conferencing, avatar or muntah hijau emoticons are limited I'm happy to be connected again.

It appears that I am the last one at the office to know about this little shortcut. When I went around to spread the good news the colleagues I've startled were scrambling about to minimize their Meebo YMs too.

Cheh.

Blogging-wise I hope I'm not still the tortoise. I see at least 4 kids at my floor writing entries on Blogger everyday. The dead giveaway's obviously the navy and flesh-coloured background especially with the extra large Trebutchet MS fonts in compose mode. I blog on a regular basis so I'd like to be more discreet by downloading w.bloggar on my pc. It's free and supports most blog providers like Blogger, Movable Type, TypePad, WordPress et al. I don't even have to use my IE . All I do is click the w.bloggar icon on my desktop, write my junk and click on `publish' like I do on Blogger. It's easy to use and the best thing about it (now that I'm developing system reports) is that it looks like my programming template from about one foot away. So looking busy is quite the forte I've mastered.The fonts are quite small too so no one can actually read what you write out loud when they sneak up from behind you.

Here's to blogging whenever and not getting busted for it. Hurrah!

Draw!

2006-01-20T09:21:00.000+08:00

I'm slowly getting accustomed to this double life. Contrary to the more glamourous Batgirl or Wonderwoman kind there's some additional 60 pounds, lengthy classes and stapler bullets. Silly old-fashioned minds would probably think old friend Banos and I are a couple, we go everywhere together and even wore identical shirts last night in class! Even so we are making friends and asimilating the new environment.

We're on our way.

I miss my boyfriend. I miss my girlfriends.

But nothing compares to what I'm missing the most, the TV. I'm way behind all my favourite shows.

I'm so ashamed of my tube compulsion.

After the usual seminar at school I went home to find a letter from Amsterdam waiting for me. Amsterdam? Gasp. Did we leave any evidence behind at Baba's coffee shop, the streets of Warmoesstraat or the likes? Frowning but curious, I tore the envelope open. It read of `my official entry authorization' to a tax-free British draw (or in more familiar terms- the lotto) from a European Guild with a jackpot amounting to £ 42 million. It stated in the letter that I was eligible for 420 chances to win provided that I purchase a `syndicate' or bundled lottery tickets for USD 15.

My eyes widened for a bit. Duitduitbanyaknyaduitbestniduitduit.

After a while reality came crashing onto the shores of psycho beach and skepticism knocked on my door.

What forms did I fill in Europe other than those at the many immigration counters that revealed my contact details to some strange establishment in Netherlands for a British game that required fees in American currency? Not so sure.

Am I being lured into some kind of money scam? Maybe.

And most important question related to this situation is : Am I going to burn in hell for participating in this? Of course.

" Manakala sebahagian lagi daripada anggota masyarakat akan terlibat pula dalam perbuatan memakan harta anak yatim, perjudian, loteri, toto, tikam ekor, tenung nasib, pelacuran, rompakan, pencurian, menyamun, melakukan perniagaan ke atas perkara yang diharamkan oleh syariat seperti menjual arak, pasaran saham hadapan, pasaran saham yang tidak halal, menipu dalam timbangan, menyorok barang, mencampur barangan elok dengan barangan rosak, menjual barangan yang merbahaya kepada kesihatan dan lain-lain lagi.

Mana-mana perbuatan tersebut akan dikira sebagai hasil rezeki haram yang apabila digunakan untuk membeli makanan, pakaian, tempat tinggal, kenderaan dan kemudahan lain, maka ianya tetap haram. Oleh itu kesan pertama ke atas orang yang menggunakan sumber rezeki yang haram ialah doanya tidak diterima oleh Allah S.W.T., berdasarkan maksud sebahagian hadis dari Abu Hurairah berbunyi :

[Kemudian ia menyambutkan seorang lelaki yang jauh perjalanannya, yang kusut masai rambutnya, lagi berdebu mukanya menghulurkan kedua tangannya ke langit sambil berdoa: Hai Tuhanku, hai Tuhanku, pada hal makanannya haram, minumnya haram, pakaiannya haram dan diberi makan dengan yang haram pula, maka bagaimanakah mungkin itu diperkenankan baginya?]" (Hadis riwayat Muslim).

As much as I would love the mountains of cash I could possibly win and put an end to my longwinding money ruts, I think I should let this one pass. My conscience nags too much-I must put my sinful urges to rest.

I stared at the said entry form for a full five minutes before finally chucking it into the rubbish bin. "Bollocks," I said to myself (for somekind of consolation).

Speaking of big bucks, does The Star Super 9 contest; or any lucky draw with the objective of attaining an indecent sum of money for that matter, count as gambling too?

Sometimes You Just Gotta Tell `Em

2006-01-19T11:32:00.000+08:00

More on crazy colleagues.

When I was still in The New Office Building, my deskmate The Blonde was my source of entertainment. Her mind comprises of only three things:

1. Lelaki Kaya
2. M.A.C (pronounced explicitly by her as `mak')
3. Rawatan lulur

Her naivete is outstanding. To her eyes, everything else in this galaxy of planets is a gaussian blur. The Blonde's slow reflexes are clear. Even so, I think her refreshing child-like outlook on life is part of her charm (that she has no clue of).

I received a call today and was extremely delighted to find it was The Blonde after months of separation (padahal I moved to the building next door aje).

(blahblahblahsmalltalkgigglegiggleblahblahblah)...

"Myopia, can you help me aah?"
" Sure!"
" I'm not at work today but I need to apply for annual leave tomorrow. But then must apply online right. I don't have Internet la. Can you do that for me on your PC? "
" Okay, no problem."
" You type *provides URL of leave system portal* "
" Er, I think I know where it is."
" Can you access the page?"
" Yes. What's your username and password?"
" Username is ****** . Just press enter and the password will come out."
" Haa? Mana boleh. I'm sure you need a password."
" I never remember my password la. But I'm sure no need."
" Are you sure? How come you don't know what your password is? Mesti ada punya kan."
" Very sure la. Everytime I type my user ID on my PC the password automatic come out.It never fails me one you know. That's why I never bother to memorize it."

At the thought of the Autocomplete, I burst out laughing.

Fatal Attraction

2006-01-18T09:40:00.000+08:00

The Senior Manager is an attractive woman in her mid 30s. She has achieved so much so young due to her level of maturity, leadership skills, intelligence and charisma.

She tells The Department Womenfolk about the romantic relationship she has with The Poster Boy, our dashing and handsome fellow colleague. She frequently expresses her hopes of getting hitched to this man of her dreams and has made plans for it. We were happy for her.

Earlier this month everyone in The Office except for The Senior Manager received invites to The Poster Boy’s wedding to someone else.

This unexpected turn of events caused uproar equivalent to a Spanish Telenovela.

I couldn’t care less about office gossip but it amused me that a small portion of The Department Womenfolk slash Secreto de Amor reporters were hard at work, bent on avenging The Senior Manager’s broken heart.

Tactful investigations were conducted to verify claims that The Poster Boy was a cheating bastard. The Poster Boy denied the allegations because for one, he was never The Boyfriend at all.

“ I told her since the day we met that I am not interested and never will be. We are friends, I can’t believe after three years setting the standards and working together she still doesn’t get it. "

Ah, the hazards of a platonic relationship. At least one person out of it is bound to get all the wrong ideas.

The Senior Manager's calm and collected facade is now gone. A psychotic front has emerged from her trauma but instead of stalking The Poster Boy, she stalks me.

Just because my cubicle is in front of The Poster Boy’s, The Senior Manager calls me every half an hour to check on what he’s doing, what he’s wearing, what cologne he got on, what hair gel he’s wearing, who he goes out to lunch with, how often he throws away the pencil shavings from his wind-up sharpener...etc.

Sometimes she tells me to rummage through his garbage.

Help.

Wishful Thinking

2006-01-15T14:16:00.000+08:00

When stuck in heavy traffic alone while listening to a song playing on the radio that reminded you of something in your past that you could have made different; have you ever imagined yourself in a videoclip of that situation?

I have.

Sometimes that sort of mini diversion could save your sanity. Especially when its raining and you're inching by the LDP.

I even have a mixed CD of my personal favourites on my player now so I have 18 videoclips to figure out the next time a jam comes on.

What are yours?

What's The Date Again?

2006-01-13T16:47:00.000+08:00

For many years The Family had The Helper who was ubersuperstitious. Considering that she also multi-tasked as our nanny when we were growing up, I used to believe every single pantang larang orang tua she would preach about. Now that logic and maturity has sunken in, taboos to me are merely reverse-psychological tactics.

When she says,
singing in the kitchen will bring you an old husband,
it really means: please spare me the karaoke you're tearing my ear out.

When she says,
you will marry very late if you're always hanging at your doorstep,
it really means: aiyoh nothing better to do is it? You're blocking other people's waylah.

When they say
you can inherit someone's bad traits or habits by drinking water from his or her used glass/water container,
it really means: what are you, four? Go get your own, bum.

My view on the Friday The 13th Phenomenon is similarly skeptic, though I cannot untangle why in that date in specific is considered an urban legend that symbolizes the epitome of bad luck. There's even a scientifically researched phobia for it called paraskevidekatriaphobia - affliction of a morbid, irrational fear of when the sixth day of the week and the 13th day of the month coincides.

I found some interesting theories about the `day of misfortune' and the `unlucky' number 13.

The sixth day of the week and the number 13 happen from one to three times a year.

One hundred years ago, a special ship was named "H.M.S. Friday." They laid her keel on a Friday, launched her on a Friday, selected her crew on a Friday and hired a man named Jim Friday to be her captain. It embarked on her maiden voyage on a Friday, and was never seen or heard from again.

The Turks so disliked the number 13 that it was practically expunged from their vocabulary.

Many cities do not have a 13th Street or a 13th Avenue.

Many buildings don't have a 13th floor.

If you have 13 letters in your name, you will have the devil's luck (Jack the Ripper, Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Theodore Bundy and Albert De Salvo all have 13 letters in their names).

To the ancient Egyptians, life was a quest for spiritual ascension which unfolded in 12 stages in this life and a 13th beyond, thought to be the eternal afterlife. The number 13 therefore symbolized death (not in terms of dust and decay, but as a glorious and desirable transformation).

Other sources suggest the number 13 represented femininity. Thirteen had been revered in prehistoric goddess-worshiping cultures, allegedly, because it corresponded to the number of lunar (menstrual) cycles in a year (13 x 28 = 364 days).

Some say Friday's bad reputation goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden. It was on a Friday, supposedly, that Eve tempted Adam with the forbidden fruit hence they were both ejected from Paradise.

The English say: If 13 people sit down to dinner together, all will die within the year.

Said to originate in the East from the Hindus, who believed that it is always unlucky for 13 people to gather in one place, say, dinner.

Loki The Norse God of Evil was killed at a dinner party for 13.

13 were present at the Last Supper. One of the dinner guests er, disciples betrayed Jesus Christ, setting the stage for the Crucifixion. Crucifixion took place on a Friday.

Coincidentally, I am going to attend a wedding dinner tonight- Friday, 13th January 2005.

Elementary, My Dear Watson

2006-01-11T17:06:00.000+08:00

The more I get into the programme the more I realize how dumb I could probably be.

Have you ever measured the potential of your own intellect? I have been walking around with bits of quiet confidence but now that I'm hitting the books again I have begun to subconsciously re-assess the true capacity of my deteriorating mind. The attention deficiency from a day's work as not an excuse. Other people break their backs at the office more often than I do but are still bright-eyed when it comes to classes. I on the other hand fight with the sheeps in my groggy head at lectures. Some of my `mates have husbands and children tend to at home after. I feel ashamed that I drive back to the house with eyes half shut and sleep with my workshirt on at 10 pm.

Working the brain overtime is killing me. If I was a fruit, I'd be a hollow coconut. I wish I was more of a durian.

Adapting is truly messy.

That aside, I've found a new obsession called `The O.C'. After teasing The Twins relentlessly about their fanatism I became hooked too and now trying hard to catchup with all back episodes from Season 1 and 2.

Yes, I could have been in a cave these past few years to have not encountered such a phenomenon. I ultimately owe it to the character of Seth Cohen played by Adam Brody whose smart alec I've only managed to catch for the first time last week. Where on earth can you find a teenage geek with Chandler Bing sarcasm (the writers made Cohen funnier and more cynical, as a matter of fact), the brains of Ross Geller and a minor `fro?

The combo is addictive.

Happy Birthday

2006-01-09T09:37:00.000+08:00

Unlike previous years, The Father seemed really iffy about turning the big six-oh.

These past few weeks we've noticed that he's been moping around with a prominent frown. He tends to get into petty arguments with The Mother too, something quite rare around the house. Among topics debated are `I Hate Pasta' and `Let's Go/Not Go To That Romantic Birthday Weekend at Colmar Tropicale'. He's also been quite snappy with the rest of us contrary to his usually quiet demeanour.

To bring us up to speed our insider (The Mother) revealed to us the possible cause. Apparently The Father is alarmed that his delayed ageing process contributed by healthy eating habits doesn't do it for him anymore. Good golly gosh, he still looks at least 10 years younger and in spite of his receding hairline he doesn't need to apply The Samy V. Comb Over Rule, thank God. Alhamdulillah he's perfectly healthy without any major illnesses like diabetes or bad kidneys.

My hypothesis is that he is suffering from the andropause, the male counterpart of the female menopause- 10 years later than scheduled.

Today is D-Day but he's back to his usual self, looking very upbeat for a day off work and a round of golf. Now thaaat's the spirit.

To The Father, Happy Birthday! We love you, no matter how cranky you get with age.

An Additional Resolution

2006-01-06T12:43:00.000+08:00

Today I took the train to work. There was miscommunication at home about our transport roster (long story) because I thought I had a course in KL that was only a few minutes away from Jelatek. After making the who-drove-what-who-dropped-who arrangements I found out that the course was cancelled and I ended up carless. Nothing to cry about though. I'm excited to be on the Putra again, reviving vibrant teen memories of Getting Around Town With The Few Ringgits In My Pocket.

When I made my way up KJ station I realized that some things from the old days still haven't changed. I don't get why patrons would rather make long lines at the ticket counter than going to at least 6 of the automated machines provided that are clearly unoccupied. The odds of those getting faulty in a day are probably 1:2. This morning all the machines were in pristine condition, in fact. People just don't bother to check when they are in a mad rush I guess. A blind man and his kid I saw working out the touch-screen monitors could teach them a thing or two.

Other than that, riding the Putra is stimulating. I love the systematic queues where there are no more stampedes into trains like crazy goats in heat compared to the early years of light rail transit. I also discovered that during peak hours, the trains have very few seats that I assume are meant for the disabled like KLIA's aerotrains. More space to stand and sparing anyone the agony of having their breasts/armpit/crotch stared at.

I had a good aerial view of half the city and did the inventory on a lot of thoughts. Very the Paris Metro feelinglah. It was in this short span of time I realized that not driving ain't so bad after all, at least on Mondays and Fridays where I don't have classes all the way in Serdang where the Komuter will always be annoyingly late.

Pros Of Catching The Train to Work Twice A Week

1. Can save fuel up to RM 20 per week and RM 5 on Kerinchi Link on the two days I don't need to drive to class.

2. Could train self to wake up early so that The Hissing Twin can drop off at KJ.

3. People have less BO in the morning.

4. Walking the short distance to and fro Kerinchi station is exercise in disguise.

5. Get to buy precious nasi lemak before they run out.

6. An excuse to splurge on books or a used iPod Mini that I can afford for company (Ylanda, any thought of selling?)

Research and Destroy

2006-01-04T16:38:00.000+08:00

Aaah, the return to campus life with a full-time job and debts to boot. What a combo of emotions it was. Joy, fear, loathing, alienation, insecurity, passion, exhilaration, constipation (?).. all rolled into one compact kebab of aspirations. My social life (if any) is now reduced to mingling with balding men and sipping sirap bandung during intervals at a Kantin Siswa on most my weekdays. I'm so glad I have The Next Top Model with me to share the experience which I expect would be more than what we bargained for.

The degree we signed up for is coursework-based but if I had to complete a thesis, my research would be entitled `Misspellings and How It Could Get Your Ass Kicked' and included in its appendix is the following sign we found at a Serdang foodstall.

In Cantonese, kui= `he/she/it' and tiu= `f**k'.

" Nak makan ape bang?"

Let's do the math.

An Extended Weekend Off

2006-01-03T13:14:00.000+08:00

My brief holiday was quite satisfactory with some low-key activities. Waxed my Neanderthal arms, re-arranged photos in the album, caught up with back episodes from ANTM 3 and did the awaited countdown under an industrial fan at a futsal game while calculating ASB profits with the other `cheerleaders'. Snore. I saw an interesting segment on MTV called The Fabulous 40 Things To Do in 2006 too that cited the latest trends that will soon be followed by the rich and famous. Apparently the `in' coffee to be downing now is Kopi Luwak that's USD 350 a pop. It originates from Indonesia and is prepared with berry-chewing luwak poop or better known as civet's droppings.

Jeez. The things you have to do to keep occupied these days.

Overdosed on Afdlin Shauki more or less. Watched Actorlympics for the first time. Why laa I never wanted to go before when friends ajak. Sorry aaa The Partygoer, will join you the next time you do. Thanks to an insider's tip, I'm glad I haven't binned my almost extinct student ID. Dapatlah discount and paid only RM 22 instead of the usual RM 45 I've always dreaded. I'm surprised the ticketbooth operator didn't question my wrinkles or the orange peel crack sticking out from my loose-fitting jeans. I went for the matinee with The Boyfriend and we managed to scrounge the last two tickets. The day's line-up was great: Jit, Na'a, Edwin, Rashid, Ida and entertainer extraordinaire, Afdlin. I think Ida's serious movie actress background didn't quite do it for her; I do want her fabulous curls and baby bottom skin though. Nevertheless the show was superb. I laughed so hard tears were streaming down my cheek.

The next day we caught Baik Punya Cilok.The thing about Afdlin's movies is like Yusof Haslam's, they reek of star power. Fortunately, Afdlin and team has the writing skills and wit to carry it all off. Storyline is an alright `feel good' one, though the movie could be improved from more creative camera shots. Good try with the stills inserts, maybe Afdlin and team could experiment from there on. I heard he's coming up with a new one called SUMO, I'm not sure what the story is about. It would be interesting if Afdlin steps out of his funny shell and start doing serious Tarantino-esque movies, Malaysian style.

Talk about directing, I'm reminded of that old Black Dog Bone music video assignment my team P.T. Mak Lampir did at uni. Some poor soul wants to use it for a show about amateur student productions on MiTV. Aack! I wish we could turn back time to omit some details like that silly pak pacak scene with me in it (especially). Those nostrils would definitely scare the beejezus out of them children.

Auld Lang Syne

2005-12-31T10:24:00.000+08:00

Well, I guess it's the end of the road for 2005 today.

I could call it The ATM Year, since I spent a lot of money in it (and foolishly too). Bought a house on impulse and starting to regret it; bought a car due to unexpected circumstances. Visited New York and Europe, finally. Let my hair grow and boy it's going real slow. Went for my very first Rainforest World Music Festival. Learnt to take the reins of my financial woes responsibly but a tad late. Took a while to adjust to the idea of close family members moving so far, far away. Got new workscope, got same bullshit and met so many new people on the job. Found out how adult 25 is and how dangerous an idle mind could be. Started a new blog.

It's been quite a ride.

Adieu, arrivederci. Goodbye.

Not Even a Dilemma

2005-12-29T16:20:00.000+08:00

The pressure is on. I've been getting the same questions this past week from 27 different people already.

"What are you doing on New Year's Eve?"

Honestly, I don't know. My best bet is teh o ais at the usual Centre Point fusion mamak. Yawn. I'm sparing myself from the frenzy of planning. I'm not that keen on wasting petrol, especially with an Atoz 1.1 auto transmissioned car (god, it feeds like crazy) trying to be part of the worst traffic jams ever. I couldn't be bothered with street parties around town or the madness of that annual rempit get-together at `Konsert Tahun Baru KLCC' nor do I care about forking out hard-earned cash to be in a crowded club and have streamers or strange men stick to my hair.

My previous celebrations have been mediocre to begin with but I've enjoyed those simple nights in/out. Like hanging out with stoned men in kilts, playing Twister when boozed, participating in impromptu Genting visits ...zzzzzzzzzZZzzkrooohhhhhzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

(What next? A knitting marathon?)

I am all for spending time with people I care about and preferably if it doesn't require dressing up or acting up. The beginning of something new is precious and I'd want to reflect on the 365 days that have passed in the most serene manner.

That, or I'm probably getting old.

Reality Check

2005-12-28T16:21:00.000+08:00

I received a letter from The Company's HR on behalf of its subsidiary, The Loft.

Ms. Myopia Baumbach*

Dear Sir / Madam

INTERVIEW FOR THE POST OF THE JOB* - CORPORATE COMMUNICATION AT THE LOFT* SDN BHD

Referring to the above conducted interview, we are pleased to inform you that you have been listed as reserved candidate for the post of The Job* - Corporate Communication at The Loft* Sdn Bhd.

Should you not receive any job offer letter from us in six (6) months time from the date of this letter, you are considered an unsuccessful interview candidate.

We thank you for your interest and take this opportunity to wish you all the best in your future job search.

Best regards,

-signed-

The Assistant Manager
Recruitment (Subs)
The Company

* bukan nama sebenar

The tone of the letter was initially confusing. I called The Assistant Manager to clear the sugarcoatings and was immediately informed that I lost out on my pitch for that appointment of my dreams.

Reserved candidate meant an alternative candidate to The One They Hired in case he or she turns down the offer for any reason. Macam Ms. Universe la pulak, got runner-up.

Oh well. Que sera sera. Looking at the brighter side of things, I am thankful that I'm staying on my current but less appealing job. I don't have to give up any of my permanent staff superperks or the flexibility to attend my night classes on time, in contrast to The Job's contractual employment basis and demanding international timezones shift.

All the same I don't usually settle for second best. It would surprise some people at how hurtfully kiasu I am or the way this ego bruises. Instead of handling the frustration like a pro and gathering all the pride I could muster today, I threw up.

I've got to learn to be a more gracious loser.

My Classroom Won't Be Flooded

2005-12-27T12:44:00.000+08:00

How much I hated The Old Uni's student administration doesn't matter anymore. For sure it was much more systematic and convenient than The New Uni that has the worst, I repeat, the worst student infopacks of all time.

Did they have a cat write those simple registration steps?

According to the checklist sent to Banos and myself, we were instructed to split our payments into two portions; the university fees to be settled at the School of Graduate Studies and the rest for our credit fees to be paid at the university's bursar. It was after going through numerous ATMs withdrawals to achieve that we were told by the staff that our payments could actually be made online.

Bastards!

And it's as if we're juveniles that we had to spend almost a hundred bucks for a medical check-up that would probably collect dust in their archives. Not only did I have to pee in a cup, I had to have it endorsed at The New Uni's Health Centre that's on another far end of campus or I will not be allowed to register. I feel sorry for the foreign students who don't have had the means to do this. They'd have to wait for shuttle buses that would take forever to come to the School that's situated somewhere in between palm oil trees and a humongous Chinese graveyard.

I almost ate the head off the clerk who attended to me when she told me the softcopy of my passport photo that I painstakingly queued up for at QS Citifoto One Utama on a public holiday wasn't necessary and threw the diskette back at me.

" Habis tu, why did the infopack tell us to bawak this stupid diskette ?"
" I don't know la dik (insert most vaginal face ever here). I'm just here from 9 to 5 to chop this chop that. Other than that lantak you all. Malas I nak layan. "

I could hear the crackle of flames in my eyes.

Anyhow, all is well now after 8 hours of gruelling errands. I'm going back to school next week to kick off the new year.

*happy thoughts*.

Four Weddings and A Reunion

2005-12-25T12:19:00.000+08:00

My spirits are lifting.

`Tis the season to be jolly, falalalalalalalala............

I've taken the last two days of my remaining annual leave to have an extended R&R Christmas at home. I have yet to put cucumbers on my eyes because my parents had coaxed me into participating in a wedding marathon of horny young relatives and family friends. One of them was my best buddy from kindergarten The Tennis Pro whom as The Mother had relayed; requested for my presence. I was pretty reluctant. We've grown so far apart. We went to different schools, had different friends and did different things. The last time I spoke to her was 18 years ago, shortly before I was enrolled for primary school and the last time we met was at The Eldest Sister's Wedding when we were 20. We glared at each other's experimental hairdos while our mothers yapped away.

That was definitely weird.

Besides, she was about ten thousand times more gorgeous than I am and looking at her petite frame makes me weep with insecurity. I would be so stressed out and pressured seeing her married as we were the same age too. Makes me think, how would I fare later? But for old times' sake and remembering that she was part of my very happy childhood, I believe I owe her one so I went anyway.

I didn't know what to expect from the wedding. Knowing The Tennis Pro's very well to do family, they have a knack of always outdoing themselves with bigger and better ceremonies everytime. The reception was held in the large compound of their multimillion ringgit home, decorated so intricately that we felt that we walked into a five-star hotel. We parked about 100 metres away at a designated parking area and walking wasn't a bother but the drivers of the five shuttle MPVs (or Harriers to be precise) provided by the hosts wouldn't have it. They were responsible for transporting guests from the lot to the entrance! Upon our arrival, two butlers opened our doors to help us out of the vehicle and onto the red carpet, where a swarm of photographers instructed my parents and I to strike a pose.

WAHHHHH *jakun eyes*. I felt like a movie star!

The night went on smoothly. Under the giant tent of the beautiful garden ceremony we were entertained by a ghazal band, the nasyid group Nowseeheart and could-have been stand-up comedy speech from the hosts' representative. After that came the usual slideshow presentation on the bride and groom that was of course, the highlight of any wedding. It was then that one of the photos caught my attention.

It was The Tennis Pro and I, holding hands in our concert costume the second year of our pre-school days.

I have the same photo in my keeping.

When I met the couple at the door on my way out from the ceremony's end, I gladly shook The Tennis Pro's hand. As we made eye contact, we broke into the familiar girlish peals of laughter.

No words can explain how happy I was to be there.

Those Relapses

2005-12-23T02:12:00.000+08:00

Goddamned Libras and their scales. One day after moaning about each other's woes with The Swimmer and The Columnist who happened to share the same horoscope as I do, things are slowly turning around.

I followed up on the outcome of The Job interview. The Insider was nice enough to let me know that I was in The Final Three and the scores are pretty close. Whatever that meant, I would have to find out for myself. I'm going to embrace the decision like an adult even if it doesn't go my way. You win some, you lose some anyway. At this point of time, I'm gathering the last bits of optimism that I can to face it.

I managed to run my first program report *takes top off and sundances around office building* after two bloody freaking months. From his very rare, unrobotic reaction The Alcoholic Nerd seemed rather pleased and (OMG) proud of me. My new desktop also arrived today, signifying the end of an era for my caveman processor that has contributed the the loss of hair and sanity since I was posted there.

Then the clerks passed around our new company organizers. I wonder why my colleagues kept correcting me that I received a diary, not an organizer. Is it still considered a diary when it's where I schedule all my appointments, calculate my expenses, plan my life months in advance? Oh, here I go again on The Filling Important Dates In New Journal Madness, sitting at a corner and furiously transferring essential details.

Take These Wings and Fly

2005-12-21T12:48:00.000+08:00

It's hard when you have ovaries, even when those you own are lazy ones. This last quarter has been especially tough. I am surprised at myself for not taking it with a grain of salt this time. There's only so much I can fake.

I am a wimp in a recurring nightmare.

Dwindling career path, ill finances, sour relationships and many other personal battles are afoot at Mount Doom. Yadayada.

Yesterday was probably the most horrible of all hormonal rollercoasters. For some reason I woke up at an unusual 8.30 am. Instead of getting up, I cried for about 10 minutes in bed for being late. Took a bath and cried again when the jets of cold water attacked my skin. Cried when I couldn't find a single piece of underwear in my drawers. Decided to take The Old Car to work since The Brother Kramer's on uni holiday. Got sentimental from all memories I had driving that antique piece of junk and yes, I cried.

Drove the first kilometer and realized that one of the front tyres was wobbly. Swung by the nearest gas station to pump it up. It totally deflated on me. Went to the car workshop nearby and was told all four tyres were done for. Saw the springy things come out from them. Someone could die with those. Remembered that pay just in. Paid MYR 440 to replace them. Finally arrived at work at 11.00 am. Was informed that I had a deadline. Tried to figure out the same program I've been working on for the last two weeks in a flurry. Asked for someone's help and advise. Programme still didn't work. Felt lost. Along the desperations from being such a tech retard, thoughts of the second interview for The Job that hasn't called back interlaced. Seemed like my only window of escape is no more. They don't like me, do they?

Cried, cried, cried.

The whimpering carried on well onto the afternoon. Paid some other miscellaneous dues. Bank account immediately dove into dire straits. Agitated at the prospect of moving on the next 30 days with less than MYR 200. Went to lunch alone. Tried to conjure a blog entry to take mind off things but didn't budge from just two sentences. Still couldn't work that programming moosecrap. Ignored work deadline and went home on time. Sat down and listed errands for course registration while peeking into empty purse. Suddenly The Father came and accused me of a `subsidy mentality'. Proceeded to hang head in shame when told that I was `useless'. Frustrated that he doesn't see me eye to eye. Postgraduate suddenly doesn't seem so hot anymore if that's the way he really feels about me.

I wish I was anywhere else but here.

I'd Like Some Sex with a Cherry on Top, Please

2005-12-19T16:51:00.000+08:00

A makan marathon diarrheoa that struck since Saturday allowed some luxurious reading time in the comforts of my loo (and other people's, for that matter). Distracting myself from the horror of my turbo gut wind, I came across a front page editorial on The Langkawi NYE Party .

Whoa. That's quite some news. I've been to some crazy island parties in Tioman and Phangan but I'm not sure how true these allegations of mass orgies are knowing the exaggerative tabloid lengths Harian Metro can go to. I must say I was pretty disturbed at the writer's comments and tip-offs from a certain `Faiz' on this issue.

I wish I had the original flyer of the said party with me for show. As featured in the newspaper, its design is as common as other promotional kits of KL club events with the normal descriptions of `how to get there' and in this case, `where to stay'. A good Samaritan who got hold of it filed a police report at Bukit Aman based on an extra paragraph that mentioned `.. don't forget your baby oil, sunblock and condoms..'. The tease is getting the organizer in big trouble since all the company's contact details are also printed on the advertorial. Other than that, nothing about it actually insinuated group sex or anything as perverted as drugged intercourse with 40 year-olds implied by `Faiz'. Euw.

According to the writer, the party originated from Port Dickson but shifted to Langkawi because of all the unwanted commotion. He should get himself a pair of glasses or get new ones if he's already wearing them. Even through the pixelated photo of the flyer I can read clearly the note of thanks from the organizer to everyone for supporting the Langkawi NYE Party for the past few years in a row. It has always been there, so the one in Port Dickson is probably under a different management and circumstance altogether hence confusing the two for the same thing.

A few months ago a friend who owns a hangout joint at Pantai Cenang, Langkawi where the `sacriligeous activities' are usually held bugged me to come for the annual year-end event, admitting that it's pretty harmless and has been going on for quite a while now. Other friends have regaled their unforgettable experiences flocking the beaches for this purpose too.

But a sex fest? Never heard of it.

I'm just in denial. Everytime I think of Langkawi, the idea of Mahsuri's purity comes in mind.

People can't possibly be bonking each other at random in a delirious stupor there. I'm thinking more of gamat buying and eagle petting.

Back to School

2005-12-17T12:24:00.000+08:00

Out of all places, I had an adrenaline rush at the briefing for my postgraduate studies yesterday. I was so excited prior to that I conspired with the department secretary to rig my online leave application to attend it and bought 6 Faber Castell refillable gel-tip pens to take down my notes. My kinks are geeky like that.

I'm thankful that Banos is with me on this. Together we foresee the progression of intellect that would benefit our areas of work in the future, build reputations that precede us and redeem our self-worth.

Besides, I can't imagine being left alone with weirdo would-be coursemates I've met during the orientation.

I feel that time and tide waits for no man. I'm not getting any younger but I believe the capabilities of my mind have not yet arrived at a standstill. I want the brain constantly energized and working like clockwork before it becomes too jaded to even try.

With that in concern, I gotta have it cracked on how to raise MYR 2,550 in one week to settle the course fees while waiting for a MARA loan offer to come to the rescue.

Option A
Start a car wash and invite well-endowed female friends to hang around in their bikinis.

Option B
Find out if anyone's having an Xmas or bachelor party and offer to booty dance if no one barfs at the suggestion.

Option C
Sell off all electronic devices online, including The Hissing Twin's iPod and external hard disk drive.

Option D
Wear earplugs and attempt to borrow from someone close.

What Now?

2005-12-16T17:53:00.000+08:00

Crikey.

Since The Young Head Honcho took charge of The Company, drastic changes have taken shape in our gomen-like organization. From Day One he made it clear that he meant business. Shape up or ship out, he would mention in his many speeches. First there was the abolishment of morning tea breaks, then the extended Friday break was limited to only male Muslim employees performing congregrational prayers.

Apparently kids aren't the only ones going back to school soon. With effect from January 2006, The Company will enforce a new rule upon all its executives in conjunction of the recent re-branding :

Official Company Ties for men and Scarves for women, to be worn every Monday.

Actually (the striking sea blue material with unsightly spread of tiny logos aside), I don't find the idea so revolting after all. I'm pretty receptive of the instruction; in fact, I believe the uniformity makes us look like top notch professionals. Little was elaborated to the female staff on what fashion The Scarf should go with, though.

Do we stuff it inside our shirts a'la Clark Gable,

hang it around our necks like Twiggy Lawson,

or (gasp) wrap it around our heads like little Audrey Hepburn?

I hope they settle for option Twiggy. It could handily double up as a bib.

Camilla Parker Bowles Had It Goin'

2005-12-15T09:22:00.000+08:00

The Mother complains sometimes that The Father doesn't go out enough.

The Father is shy and soft-spoken. He'd come home on time, spend a few hours in the evening playing golf or tending to his goldfish pond, takes his dinner at 9.00 pm after Buletin Utama, reads a book until he'd fall asleep around 10.30 pm. Every single day. If there were any social responsibilities he would have to attend to, he'd be the first one to arrive and the first to leave much to The Mother's annoyance.

I'm glad the only late nights that he has is with the English Premiere League on tv. At least he doesn't go around telling The Mother he has a business meet with a client and ends up boozed at a karaoke lounge squeezing tits off girls my age.

The Courtship With Married Men Syndrome is an outrageous disease. I feel blessed that I was saved from the affliction but mortified to know that some close friends of mine are drowning into the euphoria, claiming they were `victimized' and `vulnerable' to the wicked ways of The Big Bad Other People's Husbands.

Poodah.

What is it about young and old wedded men that's appealing to single, attractive and self-made women? Has the eligible bachelor pool shrunk into oblivion? Do these women get turned on by the achievements and level of maturity of a married man gauged so near to her own? Is it the thrill of breaking every principal in a sane adult woman's rulebook? Or is it the false sense of security where a woman has nothing to lose with the taboo affair except time and dignity?

Makes me wonder who the real villains are.

A New Leaf

2005-12-14T14:29:00.000+08:00

Let's start over.

Decembers give me hives. When I was in college I've never actually thought of New Year's resolutions but as time has it, I've become more anal about plans for an upcoming year. It gets an ageing woman like me excited.

What do I want to do throughout the 365 days of 2006?

Find a new job within the organization that fits my credentials. If The Company doesn't have it, I'm going to look for it somewhere else. I'm tired of all the non-performance accusations and finding an excuse to defend myself.

I still haven't gotten around to pick up a new language. We had The Spaniard From Penang translating for us in Barcelona which would explain why that Berlitz cd I bought is still lying at the bottom of my car trunk. A friend recommended attending proper classes and certification; word has it TV stations pay interpreters quite well considering the amount of Telenovelas feeding Malaysian housewives these days.

Screw non-paying copywriting work. For the love of God, I am going to hunt down and demand every single cent those agencies owe me. It makes me sick to think of the sleepless nights I had to go through for their benefit but not acknowledged for them at all.

Ensure clearance of all bad debts and start saving more money for rainy days to come a.k.a wedding, car insurance, house key deposit, income tax and sorts.

Jumpstart on designing and creating jewellery. Who knows, it could be a lucrative side income.

Ace Masters' programme and give my parents a reason to loan me the tuition fees for the first few semesters (lopsided grin).

Focus on myself and that self-esteem. Now that I've started on a regular exercise regime with The Swimmer and The Eco-Challenger, I will treat myself to a makeover soon. I'm starting to look like a dork in these glasses.

Do Asia. The currencies are generally cheap so I presume the travelling expenses would be even cheaper. Rapidly growing Third World countries, here I come.

Learn to watch my typekeys and write with full sensitivity of whomever I may include in my blog in the future.